Indie Life
Frolicking on the Ohio
Abby Guthrie
Issue date: 11/23/09 Section: Blog
If emerging yourself completely in the river's water is not your autumn sport of choice, then why not raft the river? For the longest time, a few friends and I have tried various methods of crossing the river. Some things that will not work: logs, logs tied to garbage bags filled with air, logs tied to logs. Some things that we have learned do not even float: old tires, old tires tied to garbage bags that get punctured by debris. Please learn from our mistakes and buy a raft (or if you have a few cool friends) borrow a raft from someone who already has one. We have yet to make a successful cross to Kentucky, a state which we will swiftly conquer and civilize, bringing back fine spices and maybe a few concubines when we finally conquer the currents, our only obstacle. Nonetheless, rafting has proved the best combination of adventure and dryness.
So if you're at a loss for how to enjoy your independence, and looking for a way to utilize the river, do not contact the Rivers Institute. No one is sure what that institute does, and it is most likely (in my mind) just a building used to house Sue Dewine's army of flamingo butlers. Instead, follow my helpful advice and enjoy one of the water activities outlined in this blog. Even better, innovate a new sport: river racing with duck powered chariots perhaps?
So if you're at a loss for how to enjoy your independence, and looking for a way to utilize the river, do not contact the Rivers Institute. No one is sure what that institute does, and it is most likely (in my mind) just a building used to house Sue Dewine's army of flamingo butlers. Instead, follow my helpful advice and enjoy one of the water activities outlined in this blog. Even better, innovate a new sport: river racing with duck powered chariots perhaps?
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